Friday, November 03, 2006

The truth about Border Collies

Some things are just too funny to not share. Laughing Dog Press is a virtual kennel that pokes fun at some of the more offbeat things about owning purebred dogs. In this case, I refer to the "world's smartest breed" -- the Border Collie. Anyone who has Border Collies, or rather, any Border Collie who has owners (and there IS a difference), you will appreciate the humor of what I'm about to share. For copyright reasons I can't post the articles in their entirety, but I can share the link. Laughing Dog Press - Border Collies

Laughing Dog Press says "
Many casual dog owners have mistaken this (Border Collies) for an ordinary dog and taken it home. They spend an average of six weeks in rehab getting over the experience."

Boy, can I appreciate that!!
"Church of the Divine Border Collie" suggests that owners of said breed do so because they believe in a supreme being, because a) (Border Collies) are the world's finest sheepdogs, that they have a stunning intelligence, and that even in a world of technology, they will never be replaced by a machine. Clearly this dog is seen as superhuman; and b) Border Collies have a trait called, "THE EYE"...a hypnotic stare that the BC turns on anything it wants to control. Imagine here a domineering mother in law, but this trait in the BC often turned on humans as much as livestock.

The CDBC also sites
"Every time a BC stares, there is a single message embedded in the gaze... communication was clear (in the case of a non-working BC): BALL, BALL, BALL, BALL, BALL."

Other religions have hair shirts and Hail Marys. The Church of the Divine Border Collie has "THE EYE"."

Uh-huh. Ayep! I hear ya on that one!!

c) "
Border Collie owners operate by a different set of rituals than other dog owner. They dedicate their days to channeling their dog's energy...quit their jobs...(and) are forced to buy acreage."

Another scary truth. And more often than not, it's not because the homeowner wants a bigger house. Said owner will eventually be forced to invest in sheep just so the dog will having something to do besides obsess over the BALL and more property will be called for.

As a result of having sheep, we now get into the fact that sheep have to be sheered a couple times a year. What do to with all the fleeces? Learn to spin your own yarn, of course. With that comes learning to card and clean, dye and spin and weave. Then there's the other forced purchases of the hand carders or drum carder, dyes, spinning wheels, knitting needles and/or crochet hooks, pattern books, embellishments for the finished garments, and so on. The final forced cost is that of the therapist for all the friends and family who find themselves under mounds of hand made items they have no intention of wearing because they're too big, too small, one arm is longer than the other, the colors are a little loud or in the rare case, the item is just too beautiful that wearing it would be a crime.

There are pages and pages of funnies, that really aren't so funny if you live with a Border Collie, or worse, multiple Border Collies. You just have to log in for yourself and reconsider if a Border Collie is for you.

But hey! How can you pass up on faces like these??